The past month was supposed to be a love month but I didn’t quite felt all the love that it usually gives me. Everything seemed less inspiring but more irritating. Internal and external conflicts were as many as I can handle them.

As a graduating senior in college, pre-requisites for graduation were piling up as fast as the days go by. I thought I was in control of my life, but I wasn’t. Everything got so messed up and I messed up my whole life.

This and the pressure that the people and I gave my self made it worst and I just had to continue life anyway. I got no motivation anymore. I tried to pick myself up a couple of times but I never really stood up like the way I was in my fresh years in college. I felt like the past me has really left me, leaving me with nothing but my new damaged self in control.

My writing sucked even more. Though there were a lot of things added to my vocab and style but it was still the same shit even more worst than ever. Even this sad sulk-y post is out of hand and messed up.

I am tired of being this. I am tired being sad and stressed out. I am tired of being the worst of the best. I just want to get this whole thing over with and start a new life of better self and better life.

 

I hope I could say cheers but I kind of not feel like it for now.

Ciao!

 

 

JoDe

 

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